Explicit/Implicit - The Art of Many vs. Few

[Beaver Dude]

So, I was off typing another maybe-fanfiction when I realized that I kind of liked this paragraph:

He was wearing an actual suit, for once. It was nice, expensive. Savile Row stuff. She would have clucked over it, just as she would have clucked over a second-hand, obviously frayed Turk uniform. Formal, dressy, black. Appropriate.

Now I'm pretty sure that if it's not grammatically incorrect, it sure as heck is confusing.

Here's a more in-depth version:

He was wearing an actual suit, for once. It was nice, expensive. Savile Row stuff. He could see her, hands trembling, eyes watering: she would have clucked over it, just as she would have clucked over a second-hand, obviously frayed Turk uniform. He took another glance in the full length mirror: formal, dressy, black. Appropriate.

Now there are a lot of words that are junctioned right next to each other and really don't deserve their own periods and capitalizations. I realize that, they're there for emphasis. I really do prefer them like that as opposed to a semi-colon.

Now, sez you, I think the second is better. Certainly more explicit.

The next standalone sentence is:

Reeve hated every inch of it.

Now is it just me or does the first version just fit better with that sentence? I'm operating under the curse of knowledge where I know what the heck Reeve is doing but I'd like a second opinion. XD

Also, cuz' we're all writers one way or another, do you think short and to the point works better, or longer and more developed? I personally think writing captures thoughts - little fragments of life. To have it try and capture the beauty of anything in a holistic fashion is, in my opinion, doomed to failure. But that's just me.

Edit: *Sigh* Now that I re-read again, having given this up to public inspection, the last 'appropriate' doesn't really get across the fact that the suit being appropriate is just as important as all its other qualities. Help?

[Akito]

I think what you're trying to express is the formality necessary in wearing the suit, followed by expressing Reeve's disdain for formality.

I prefer the second batch. Like you said, writing is about setting up a frame for the reader to form their own picture. Leave explicit details to the blockbusters being made of your writings.

If Appropriate doesn't fit, try Respectable or Upstanding, they're stronger words.

[Beaver Dude]

Hmm. I suppose I see what you're getting at. x3

I suspect that I'm trying to cram in too much speculation into however many words it is that I'm managing.

Dayam. This thing'll just have to get longer. Hmpf. Thanks Aki!