Lonely Soul

[Mimetic Memories]

It is so dark here

black in every direction.

Let me out now, please?

-I-

I hear her voice now.

Calm and so very soothing.

Rescue me Mother.

-I-

My heart beats fast now.

It might pop out of my chest.

I'm so lonely here.

-I-

There is a light now.

It's so brilliantly white and clear.

I run toward it.

-I-

I now stand in a field.

Black are roses on the grey soil.

I'm still trapped alone.

-I-

Someone let me out.

It's not fair enough to me.

Let me out soon, please.

-I-

I've been a good girl.

I really, really promise.

I've lain here so long.

-I-

My eyes are still shut.

I want to open them now.

I cannot open them yet.

-I-

WHY NOT? I can't see!

I haven't seen anything before.

I've slept so long now.

-I-

PLEASE LET ME OUT NOW!

I've been trapped in here too long!

Please, Please let me out!

-I-

It's getting colder.

Too cold, I feel very numb.

I open my eyes.

-I-

I see a bright light.

White walls, white ceiling, two men.

Both wear coats and masks.

-I-

I hear a loud beep.

The world slowly turns black again.

No! It wasn't fair.

-I-

I had just woke up.

I didn't want to sleep again!

But sleep I did, soon.

-I-

I never noticed.

It was too subtle for me.

My heart stopped, must have..

-I-

Did I die right there?

No! I couldn't die so soon.

It had just begun!

-I-

Even so, my mind fades.

It drifts into black oblivion.

I was destined now.

-I-

Fate is very cruel.

She dealt me an unfair treatment.

Five isn't enough.

[/i]

[Beaver Dude]

Awr. I suspected a sort of 'buried alive' by the fifth stanza and the 'I've been a good girl' kind of tipped me off as to the fact that she might have been reverting to earlier years or just being plain young. The diction's certainly too advanced for the vocabulary of a five year old but if the effect you were going for was awrr, you certainly got it from me.

[Mimetic Memories]

Not an ordinary five year old. This is one of my characters..

[Rocket!]

Nice... reads well. Like a story! ^_^; (<- is obviously a fan of stories)

And pretty darn creative, to boot. Maybe a little lacking in imagery, but that's just my preference.

Good poem, Aldy.

[angelous]

As a fellow poet, one who hopes to get published in the next five years in fact, have to say, that overall this was a good poem. The only thing that I didn't like was the fact that after every little section save for the last one, you had an -I-. In some places it fit, in others, not so much. But overall, it was really good, and I would like to read any more poems if you have some.