Post by Beaver Dude on Dec 16, 2009 0:24:59 GMT -5
This might seem excessive, but I take the auditions seriously. More seriously than character profiles, dontcha know. So that means I really don't want to have to look at canon challenges because I feel the need have to crank it up to eleven when it comes to judging challenges. >_<
Caution: I may be over-thinking some things. Also, don't take this as a final judgment or anything. I'll get back to this.
Caution: I may be over-thinking some things. Also, don't take this as a final judgment or anything. I'll get back to this.
Preliminary thoughts:
In-Character
High
High takes Vincent back to his coffin, presumably to the stage before he met Cloud and the gang (though not absolutely necessarily) and sets him loose in an ever-waking entombment. This has been the subject of a number of gothic novelists but where they stress the sheer horror of being buried alive, High keeps Vincent in perspective - he doesn't really care that he's been entombed: Vincent considers it as a form of penace for what he perceives are his sins. This being an AU version of the FF7 Vincent, we don't really know what his sins are except that they more or less involve his lady-love and Hojo (but apparently not Sephiroth which is conspicuously absent in the list of names).
There's a lot of angst in here but a) Vincent's not Mr. Sunshine (that job's for - of all people - the resident ninja) and b ) he's kinda been buried alive and has nothing to do but think. And given his demeanor straight after waking up from his slumber in-game I'd definitely consider this in character.
Emi
Emi's taken us on a bit of a spin. The angst's more muted and the situation a bit odd for the normally reticent Vincent. At first you think - this isn't Vincent! This is someone else altogether! But, ah, that's the trick. Vincent's two very different people depending on what time you see him and because this is Kingdom Hearts, you get to pick which version you want to play. Emi's taken Vincent from before he went vampire on us - he's socializing (or pretend-socializing), holding a wineglass, daydreaming. He's Turk-Vincent, or what Turk-Vincent would have been if he hadn't been experimented upon and then locked away for ten or so odd years.
He's somehow immortal which implies that he's been altered, but exactly how this is we're not sure.
The danger here is that this is a different interpretation of the conventional Vincent Valentine (actually, he struck me as more of a vampire than his coffin-sleeping version ^^;, and that we just don't know enough about this 'new' Vincent's background to judge his actions. But if you stick to the ideas present in Vincent's character (guilt, regret, the desire to do something, but a resigned/passive nature) it's still him. An AU version where instead of sleeping he kept himself awake - but like a sleeping Vincent, he's kind of just a living shell.
Overall: Strictly speaking, High should win this because we get the more conventional interpretation, but I get to be abastarda mean old fuddy-duddy and say I need my beauty sleep so I'll defer judgment for now.
Writing
Style
High's prose is more complex and nuanced, Emi's simpler and more straightforward. There are various schools of thought on how one should write, so I'll leave it up to you to decide which one is 'better'. I do think both manage to do what they intend to do - convey a particular emotional motif - so insofar as that particular criteria goes, I think both are tied.
And yes, I did read the two auditions as describing Vincent's state of mind.
Grammar
Emi wins this one if for no other reason than because High's egregious tense shifts (Hiiiiigh. Spend a little more time proofreading) are bit too numerous. Like reaching or exceeding the number of fingers I have on one hand numerous. I didn't bother compiling a list of who managed to do what, but on a first readthrough, that was what struck me. I'll get back to this later. Emi did mention that she corrected two of her own grammatical mistakes so I'm not entirely sure this category is valid for comparison.
Length
Whee,phallic referenceswhat you've all been waiting for. I say length for two reasons - firstly, Emi's main weakness relates to the premise of her Vincent. something that normally is handwaved by the usual canon background but in this case it's a valid point to bring up because the reader is a bit lost: Who is Vincent? Why is he acting in the way he does? Why's Lucrecia frozen in time? How?
Vincent's nearly an OC, but we're (I'm?) not sure. If it were longer, and some things a little clearer perhaps it'd be easier to judge.
AND THAT'S IT FOLKS. I'M GOING TO BED. I'LL THINK OF A WAY TO JUDGE THESE THINGS TOMORROW. OR MAYBE LATER. NIGHT!
, and that we just don't know enough about this 'new' Vincent's background to judge his actions. But if you stick to the ideas present in Vincent's character (guilt, regret, the desire to do something, but a resigned/passive nature) it's still him. An AU version where instead of sleeping he kept himself awake - but like a sleeping Vincent, he's kind of just a living shell.
I did post in shades of grey if anyone even remembers that lmao